Sweet piece of memory.

As the title of the post says,

a sweet memory just came to mind while thinking of the past.

I still remember how I used to visit cybercafes.

Paying money to sit in front of computers,

usually in a dark and noisy room.

I remember when I was around the age of 15.

Around form 3.

I think that was when I started playing CS a bit more seriously compared to the other people around me.

This guy named FukaDa asked me to join his team lol

Well, at that time, there was this pretty famous team around called the MkvL.

Said to be at least top 5 in Malaysia.

I could still remember so vividly all the best teams there were then.

There was the undisputed FMJ, followed by NBTD, then eDTs, nKaa and then MkvL.

I was very very amazed by our local team MkvL.

Would always love to just stand and watch them play.

Which leads me back to FukaDa asking me to start a team with him.

Since I knew, I wouldn't be able to be in the MkvL I wanted to be a part of so badly, I accepted.

So there were just the two of us.

We then randomly accepted 3 other people in our team.

And many many more after that.

We challenged Inferno's sponsored team, won and got sponsored.

Sponsored to join the WCG and lost in the first round lol

Getting back to that later.

The sweet memory was of a sweet little boy just enjoying himself fragging in public servers suddenly being called by one of the members from MkvL.

Asking me to a battle of 1 on 1.

I pawned him and pawned him bad.

I remember the map we played was cs_tank and many times he wasn't even able to buy anything.

He could barely move as I frag him with just a mere 2-3 bullets from whatever gun I was using lol

He popped the question immediately.

Even though we were sitting side by side, he typed and asked if I was interested in joining MkvL.

Good God I was so happy lol

Then as the rumor of me trashing him spread around like air, more and more of them wanted to challenge me.

I won more than I lost. I was on fiah! Lol

Back to my first WCG entry.

I was fragging the opponent side like nobody's business.

Both form and luck were on my side.

The first round, also known as the pistol round itself I got myself 3 headshots from my usp, the counter side's handgun.

My teammated naded me as he was trying to supposedly back me up.

However, as I thought that round was pretty much ours, since I took 3 down and witnessed another one going down before my screen was turning black.

There was simply no way, a glocker, the last man standing on the other side would be able to take the rest of us down.

But he did.

He clutched and he clutched winning the rounds for them.

And that was how we lost =/

Well, in the end, I never really got to be an official MkvLian until only recently because the team I was in was already doing way better than MkvL was.

However, a few years back I was kinda part of them.

But that didn't really last too long either.

Ah, so many stories from back then.

How I used to clutch and ace from time to time for my team.

Good times xD

stalkeR-

Harder than I thought!

An unsettling feeling lies within me.

Sudah 3 hari tak rokok. Susah beb.

Tak sangka in just a blink of an eye, sudah smoke for 2 years.

All this while since I started smoking, I asked myself why stop?

Now that I'm trying to stop, I ask myself why not.

Stop lah stop lah..

Started smoking also coz of some stupid breakup cannot get some girl back.

How worthless.

Since then, I drowned myself in the world of Japanese manga and anime.

Then took up the courage to study the language.

I guess it's true after all.

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

So, also past 2 years jor lok.

Time to stop bah.

stalkeR-

Birth and death.

I was born on the 15th of July year 1986.

Always felt pretty cool to be born in the year of 86.

Other than the fact that according to the Chinese Lunar Calender it's the year of the tiger 「A pretty cool animal in my opinion」, the Trueno 86 was made famous by the Japanese Manga/Anime/turned into a real movie by the Hongkees, Initial D.

Also, it's kinda close to the middle of the year plus it's in the middle of the year.

So that kinda made me feel special about it.

Today, my friend had just lost his mother to an accident.

I felt very sorry for his loss.

As a matter of fact, I really did not know how to react to it when I first heard of it.

Then I felt really sad for him.

He was gonna get married in November this year.

Yet, his mother will not be able to attend his wedding.

My condolences..

I have never really met his mother, since she lives in Perlis.

But suddenly fear was all there is running throughout my entire body.

I was literally trembling in fear.

As the question came to mind, the "what if" question..

I am so scared that I am not even able to type out the whole "what if" here on my blog.

I really really do not wish for that to ever happen.

Let it happen to me, not my loved ones.. please!

Then I got really negative.

And asked.. "why do we even live..?"

No matter how well we do it, we still would end up stop moving lying in a dark coffin.

Why do we strive to get better? When someday no matter we want it or not, we would only go downhill.

Bill Gates will not be able to bring his Microsoft down together with him.

So did Steve Jobbs failed to do the same.

All these thoughts made me stop moving.

Literally.

I just got so tired of thinking, I went back to bed.

I just left my work to pile up as I was doing so.

Now here I am, bright awake when people are supposed to go to bed.

Not that I'm unfamiliar with it or anything but I just feel so empty.

Lonely and empty.

Enough negativity for today I guess.

Work is not going to go away on its own.

So,

I ask of you.

Am I a realistic person, or simply a dumb pessimistic person?

stalkeR-

2012 Update.

Don't really have much to update on about myself but since you asked, there are a few things worth updating I guess.

Basically same old same old, except for turning 26, seriously a little depressed but it's happening no matter I like it or not.

The clock stops for no one after all.

I guess upon entering 2012, one of the best things that has happened to me yet is the fun meeting I had with my friends from Japan.

Meeting with Christina and her daughter Masumi was really a lot of fun.

They are such nice people compared to the people I meet everyday.

When I'm with them, I feel like family even though we rarely meet.

However, I had to get sick upon their stay here in Malaysia. Damn it!

That was some bad luck.

Speaking of which, my results came.

As I had expected, I scored really good for N4 but failed N3.

I already knew that was gonna be it.

I know the problem for failing N3, my kanji sucks. Horrible.

I have this habit of doing the easy ones first so due to kanjis I was not familiar with, I skipped doing them first and ended up skipping the first 2 pages straight.

Too many kanjis in one sentence resulting in me not understanding the question.

How to answer oh? Lol

But owh well, damn funny, since I took the test which was around the end of last year till today, I've been telling myself to get better at kanjis.

Yet up till today not much effort has been made to achieve that.

How pitiful.

What else?

Well, redownloading 「Prince of Tennis」 and 「GTO」 again.

Just for fun.

Did something quite stupid today.

Well, actually 2 stupid things.

Bought a 1TB external hard disk even though I still had space.

I know that it would still be useful in the near future but still.. how wasteful, haven't even used it since I bought it today.

And also I accidentally deleted the whole of my 「Modern Family」 folder. Damn it!

Feeling lonely and troubled by so many things.

Wish someone could help me but to be honest, I know that nobody can help me unless I help myself.

I've seen myself as a pretty bright kid while growing up. Achieving things easily without having to really put any hard work into it but now I don't really know anymore.

But what I do know is that a girlfriend would be the last thing I want right now.

A friend with benefit would always be welcomed though haha =s

Anyways, I guess that's kinda it.

I wanna say goodnight but I know that there's no way I could fall asleep right now.

So ciao.

stalkeR-

あけましておめでとう！

Happy New Year everybody!

Welcome to my first post of the year 2012.

But I gotta be honest here, not really that excited about the new year.

To be honest, I don't really find it that special.

However I have been ending all this New Year posts with exclamation marks.

I figured that's just how it should go right? Lol

But to be honest again, I don't really see why people everywhere are that happy going to crowded places and watching the fireworks and whatnot.

What really is there to celebrate?

Owh well, I have been joking about turning 26 in the year of 2012 for so long now and now that it has actually sort of happen it is just..

Well, it feels weird I guess?

It feels like it's been such a long year and yet here we are now yet again at the dawn of another new year.

So it has finally happen, I guess I'm 26 now, putting birthdays a side.

I read in this book that we should not be sad that the year is ending, we should be happy for the new year and should be happy of what has been achieved in the previous year.

Well, I don't think that I have achieved anything at all.

I guess the biggest thing I ever did do was to actually push myself into taking up a new language, Japanese.

Other than that, I really have not really done anything for myself, my family nor my country.

I guess I'm kinda happy that I can actually speak, listen and write a little in such a beautiful language now.

It feels so surreal that I have such a capability now.

2011 huh?

I have learned quite a number of things, met so many new people.

I'm happy about that but things kinda still remain the same.

Problems I have been facing for years are still there, unsolved.

Owh well, it's 2012 now, not the time to remain gloomy I guess?

I guess I've had a pretty good year and have no other wishes but to have a better one ahead of me.

So with that said, happy new year everybody.

If I can have 1 wish that can really come true, I guess it would be that you and everybody around me would have a great year ahead of us!

Happy new year everybody!

Long time no see!

I'm not really as psyched as it may seem to be judging from my title.

I just felt bored and came here to kill some time.

I don't really have anything in particular to blog about to be honest.

I have been thinking about blogging from time to time but I just didn't have the time being super busy with all the various stuff going on.

Well for starters, I'm playing RO again.

Private server called Talon RO.

If you're a fan, you really should check it out, I think it's the best RO private server out there right now.

It's a low rate server just so you should know before googling any further about it.

It may seem kinda lame playing such an old outdated game but I'm actually had quite a good time playing.

Got to know some new people in my Guild, going out to meet them soon, pretty soon actually haha so I'm pretty excited about that.

Just came back from my friend's marriage. Went to Terrenganu for his wedding dinner and it was really neat getting to meet up with my old APIIT buddies.

Just finished taking my Mock test for N4 today and it went pretty well.

So well I think it's safe to say that I'm probably gonna have no problems sitting for the real thing.

Not so sure about N3, I think that one is gonna be a lot much more harder compared to N4.

Have my other class's exam coming up soon, this next coming Friday actually.

So tiring.. =/

Not really sure whether or not to continue to the next level.

Sick of all the traffic jams. Gotta leave my home at 5:45 pm, go through the jam a little bit on purpose just to reach there on time for my 7:30 pm class =/

Leave too early, reach too early, leave a little later, reach at 8!

Not like how my classes used to be, 10 am - 3 pm

Free from traffic jams! I really preferred it that way even though the hours were so much longer!

Well, I guess it's pretty much all that have been happening lately.

Peace out!

stalkeR out-

Why Fight?

I hope this would not get me into any weird unwanted trouble but I really feel this way so might as well share it here.

I really do believe that some things are worth fighting for.

But if it is something you know you would never get, let it be an item, a person or a way you think is right, you need to learn how to let it go and maybe fight for something else.

Life is too short to be spending on chasing for something that will never be yours or go your way.

Everybody has their own way of thinking anyways.

There are many things that simply can't be change, so why bother changing it?

Why not spend your precious time on changing other things that actually can be changed and make a difference for yourself?

Yes you can't change people especially the way they think, so why not change yourself? You are you and nobody but you can change you right?

I wanna talk about Malaysia.

I think that one of the main reasons that we are still a "developing country" is because that everybody is not thinking together as a unit agreeing to stuff and working on it as to improve our country for a better future where our children could live in.

The bumiputeras are constantly trying to protect their rights as the non bumiputeras are constantly trying to get equality or something.

I find this really really silly.

I think that it has been really clear to us non bumiputeras that we are unwelcomed here and we have been asked to leave and labeled with rude words over and over again now.

We want equality but they won't give it.

That doesn't really make them bad people, they're simply protecting what they have. I know I would if I had something so precious and valuable.

We try fighting by trying to throw the government over and stuff but I really don't see what's the difference that would come from that.

Say it becomes successful, we get a fair and loving government.

Say he really gives us equality, that's just the government.

What about the many others who are still against that?

Furious people can really do crazy things sometimes.

Let's put aside the danger us the people living here might face.

The government themselves would be facing trouble.

Actually all I'm really trying to say here is that it is never going to happen how we really want it to be.

It's not going to work taking something by force and changing things that cannot be change.

We're talking about how people think here. I don't wanna go through what our country went through in the earlier days.

Having to constantly be cautious of not people but different races on the streets with soldiers roaming about and having to go back home before it's dark and stuff.

I really do think that we should just stop fighting and change what we could change.

We could study hard, work hard, be acknowledged by other people outside and be appreciated the way we should be.

Do it for yourself! Make it happen.

And even if you fail for yourself, at least your kids could pick up from where you left. That's still good right?

I really do not understand why people are fighting as though Malaysia is the only place to live in.

And as though as there are no other options but to fight.

Resulting in where we are today, all fight and not a step forward.